Abandoned the car
and got on the plane
Had only five minutes
we were going insane

Welcome home you’re safe again in the ol’ U.S. of A.
The Customs Man will be on hand to welcome you back home

He knows that he’s a second rate cop
who couldn’t make the grade
So he settled for searching luggage
and checking underwear

Checked out our luggage
said “You’re Ok”
They laughed at Glen’s mace
and then they took it away

Welcome home you’re back again to the land of the Customs Man
We’ve been around, and we have found, he’s a puppet on a string

Tonight you’ll thank the Customs Man
and say prayers to his Good Book
Code 39, Chapter 17,
but he let you off the hook

(Solo)

Welcome home you’re you’d like to go back to where you came from
Forget that stupid Customs Man, No. 2083

He says that I’m a thief
for stealing airline silverware
But his misuse of power
is what really has me scared

Music & Lyrics ~ Glen Sherman & Scott Ferguson
© 1987 Stanton Park Music/Black Hole Music